Bit long but please read my story

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   Hi everyone, i just wanted to share my story because I have never told anyone and it's eating me up! I just typed the full version and it was ridiculously long so im gunna write the brief, main significant event version so that you guys will read it and hopefully comment.

Im shy and want to wait for the "right person" so dont have sex until i'm 20. The girl seems so right for me, i ask about her sexual past and say i wont judge. She lies to me about how many people she has been with and about being checked out for STI's. I always use a condom but after a few months together she says she is going on the pill and i shouldn't use one anymore. I ask again about sexual past. She says she is fine but will go get checked out for me but doesnt want me to come with her. The best time of my life follows and im in love, things are fantastic. A while later I get GW's. I demand the truth and she still lies, i believe her coz i trust her. One of my friends calls me to tell me something he has heard. I ask her about it and finally get some truth. She has had more than 15 sexual partners (she was 18 then), rarely used condoms and has never been checked for STI's. She lied to me and got me to have unprotected sex with her. I forgive her and after 3 years together i dont have any luck with treatments and am left with scars on my penis from cryo and that aldara sh*t. Im massively depressed at this point. She starts seeing a guy behind my back and then leaves me for him. I do everything I can to win her back. I forgive her again and we stay together for another year. We broke up 3 weeks ago and she has been going out, getting drunk and having sex with people i know. I have visible symptoms, she doesnt. I just stay at home every night thinkin about how i wont ever have sex again, wont ever have kids etc. She seems to be having the time of her life and doesnt give a f**k about me. I have made her sound like a complete bitch and in a way she is. There is also another side to her that is the sweet girl i have woken up next to every morning for 4 years and i cant stop loving her! My friends tell me i need to be with some1 else to get over her but they dont know why i cant do that. They keep asking why im not seeing other girls (that clearly like me). Im too afraid to tell anyone and i will never put anyone else thru the pain i have/am feeling, so the only solution is to never be with anyone, ever again. I'm heart broken and know that I will be alone forever. Im usually positive about everything in life but what is the point in life without love? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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whatsthepoint85 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 17Dec2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 0	Quote Reply Topic: Bit long but please read my story Posted: 17Dec2009 at 2:32am
	Hi everyone, i just wanted to share my story because I have never told anyone and it's eating me up! I just typed the full version and it was ridiculously long so im gunna write the brief, main significant event version so that you guys will read it and hopefully comment. Im shy and want to wait for the "right person" so dont have sex until i'm 20. The girl seems so right for me, i ask about her sexual past and say i wont judge. She lies to me about how many people she has been with and about being checked out for STI's. I always use a condom but after a few months together she says she is going on the pill and i shouldn't use one anymore. I ask again about sexual past. She says she is fine but will go get checked out for me but doesnt want me to come with her. The best time of my life follows and im in love, things are fantastic. A while later I get GW's. I demand the truth and she still lies, i believe her coz i trust her. One of my friends calls me to tell me something he has heard. I ask her about it and finally get some truth. She has had more than 15 sexual partners (she was 18 then), rarely used condoms and has never been checked for STI's. She lied to me and got me to have unprotected sex with her. I forgive her and after 3 years together i dont have any luck with treatments and am left with scars on my penis from cryo and that aldara sht. Im massively depressed at this point. She starts seeing a guy behind my back and then leaves me for him. I do everything I can to win her back. I forgive her again and we stay together for another year. We broke up 3 weeks ago and she has been going out, getting drunk and having sex with people i know. I have visible symptoms, she doesnt. I just stay at home every night thinkin about how i wont ever have sex again, wont ever have kids etc. She seems to be having the time of her life and doesnt give a f*k about me. I have made her sound like a complete bitch and in a way she is. There is also another side to her that is the sweet girl i have woken up next to every morning for 4 years and i cant stop loving her! My friends tell me i need to be with some1 else to get over her but they dont know why i cant do that. They keep asking why im not seeing other girls (that clearly like me). Im too afraid to tell anyone and i will never put anyone else thru the pain i have/am feeling, so the only solution is to never be with anyone, ever again. I'm heart broken and know that I will be alone forever. Im usually positive about everything in life but what is the point in life without love? Thanks for taking the time to read this.


mkiz215 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 28Dec2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 0	Quote Reply Posted: 28Dec2009 at 2:17pm
	i read your story and i feel very bad. I cant say i know how you feel besides coming to the conclusion that you never want to be with anyone again. almost 2 years ago i was diagnosed with hpv, here i thought i had herpes because i just didnt know. i was devastated. i would always fall for the wrong guy and somewhere i have waht i have and then some GREAT TIMES! not really the last guy i was with i went and got tested again .. turned out i had contracted a high risk strand as well as the low risk genital warts. cried for DAYS. still am still not interested in anyone but having friends and people that care about me. and it hardcore sucks that there isnt enough info out there that you can give to people about this. Makes it THAT much harder. i just got into a relationship where i told him i was only looking for friendship and nothing more. So i blurted out everything because it was just built up inside of me. and i just dont care anymore. somehow we decided to try a relationship, but i am all sorts of insecure with getting intimate. who knows if it'll work. i try not to get my hopes up. i know i can always be happy with out anyone. its only human nature to want to be with someone else, someone to say belong to feel attachment to. i always feel as though if you can get that innocent emotional attachment , that best friend, it wont matter because they see you for who you are and yea it sucks to have but it doesnt effect your health or theirs even if they get it. it just is .. inconvenient .

whatsthepoint85 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 17Dec2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 0	Quote Reply Posted: 02Jan2010 at 4:34am
	Thanks for your reply. Your situation is similar to my own in one fundamental way and I suppose that indicates how common this predicament is in modern society. My life up until being diagnosed hadn't exactly been full of happiness and joy but when I first got with my ex it seemed like things were finally looking up. I think that is what makes this whole affair so bitter. It's almost as if this is the price I pay for being able to experience the most contented couple of years. Is a short burst of extreme happiness worth a lifetime of loneliness and resentment? who knows. All I know is that at one point my heart felt warmer than I ever knew it could and now it's just colder than I ever imagined was possible. The girl has even succeeded in turning good friends against me and completely isolating me from existing social circles. And of course she has now integrated her new boyfriend into the network and he is proving to be a big hit. I know that there are people out there with terrible afflictions that are so much worse but that doesn't offer comfort, just more depression. I hope that your situation improves mkiz and that you find happiness. Thanks again for your reply, the people on this site don't seem to provide much in the way of support! Good luck.

The_Zen_Master Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 16Mar2010 Location: Montana Online Status: Offline Posts: 0	Quote Reply Posted: 17Mar2010 at 12:07am
	Your story is just like mine. Your are not alone, and I know how bad you feel. The exact same thing happened to me and I feel terrible as well. I have had a few beers so I cannot really get into my story or offer much advice or encouragement right now, but I just wanted to let you know that after St. Patricks Day I am going to talk to you and try to help out. I am still a mess, but things don't have to be this bad just because of some genital warts. There is plenty of opportunity for life to be good. I have the scars, too. I know. I don't handle it very well either. If it weren't for genital warts I wouldn't workout so hard in the gym to compensate and improve my self esteem. I refuse to stay self-conscious and insecure, and muscles really change your whole self image and the way people talk to you. I am a skinny little spitf*k with a herniated disk in my low back and chronic muscle pain and sciatica so don't tell me you can't life weights. It helps. And running around a track before and after weight training. Then there is HPV dating. I don't have my sht together enough to do online dating, which really tells you how f**ked I am, but that is where I am turning to since my scars and wartrs are so bad. Our stories are very similar and I think that we should chat a bit help each other out. This same song and dance happens to a lot of guys. Not most of them unfortunately but enough that you don't have a thing that you should regret or be ashamed of. I know what it feels like to be embarassed and humiliated because of a relationship. It is going to be fine. Things have a way of working out eventually. Sometimes you have to go through hell first. I am in hell right now. My life is a total nightmare, riddled with big painful problems. I know how you feel, so I can tell you that things will be fine. I have bad anxiety and depression because of what I am going through and experiencing right now, but I know that "this too shall pass." Ever heard that? It won't offer much comfort until you really understand it. "This too shall pass." Everything changes, nothing stays the same. What life gave you is exactly what you are supposed to experience. I know how unfair that is but that is how it works. It's not about fairness. But trust me, you can still get laid and get married and have kids. You may have to go about it a little differently or more courageously but it is going to happen for you even if you don't believe it. You might even screw that same slut again that you were in love with. There are all different kinds of love, but only one real one. I know that what you felt with her felt real, and things didn't work out. When things are meant to work out, it happens naturally with no real effort on your part. Things just click and stay good. You will get over her when you are meant to. For now, I'm sorry to say that you may have to suffer for a while. Like me. We all have to experience suffering. Not just you, and not just me. It is a necassary part of your life I'm afraid, but no where near the end of your life. You will get through this. I'll tell you about what I went through in a couple days. Happy Saint Patties Day, and remeber that happiness comes from within not from any person, place or thing in the universe. Nothing external will ever bring real happiness. Just pleasure and pain. Usually together. It should be a relief if you can know that happiness comes from inside you. That you already have everything you need to be happy. I know that sounds hard to believe but it's true.

jnenkova Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 12May2010 Online Status: Offline Posts: 0	Quote Reply Posted: 12May2010 at 5:41am
	Hello whatsthepoint85, You sound pretty depressed. I was just diagnosed with HPV and would like to share with you my story if you are willing to know it. Maybe we can exchange some wisdom as well. Let me know.
	Jesuslover