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Possibility of Exposure - need I tell?

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anxious View Drop Down
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    Posted: 16Jul2013 at 10:22am
Hi all! I'm a female with 2 previous partners. I've never had any abnormal paps or symptoms, and my 2 partners have never shown any symptoms. My problem is that I suffer from a lot of anxiety, and, at the moment, I'm preoccupied with HPV.

I've never had any symptoms and neither have my partners, so there should be no problem, right? Well, not in my mind.

I was recently chatting to one of my ex-partners, let's call him 'Dan'. We have only had sex once, about 10 months ago. Intercourse took place with a condom, but I gave and received unprotected oral sex. When we were talking, 'Dan' casually said, "One of my partners from a long time ago ('Mary') had genital warts." He only slept with 'Mary' a couple of times, both times with a condom and when she has no visible warts, but I was still worried. As I said before, when 'Dan' and I had sex, it was protected, but oral sex was not.

Since then, 'Dan' has never shown any symptoms. He's had about 5 partners between 'Mary' and myself, and none of them have shown symptoms, and I have shown no symptoms in the 10 months since sleeping with 'Dan'. My other ex-partner, 'Jack', and I have had lots of intercourse since the incident with 'Dan', and 'Jack' has also shown no symptoms.

So basically, my question is, if you sleep with someone who has slept with someone who has GW, are you now obliged to tell all of your future partners that you are marginally more at risk of having HPV, or am I taking this ethics thing a bit too far?

I have been reassured that, due to the prevalence of HPV, it is highly likely that EVERYONE has slept with someone who has slept with someone who has HPV, and the only difference is that I KNOW about it. If 'Dan' had never told me (I wish!) then would I have been informing my partners of anything? Of course not. The doctor told me that telling everyone, "I might have HPV," is essentially the same as telling everyone, "I've had sex."

So really, I'd just like a second opinion. If you knew that one of your partner's ex-partners had suffered from HPV, but your partner and yourself had never shown symptoms, would you feel the need to inform any future partners? I feel like it's very likely that I'm no riskier than anyone else, but I have very strong (perhaps too strong) morals, and I don't want to make a mistake.
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Workingtogether View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Workingtogether Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21Jul2013 at 9:40pm
Hey Anxious

I read your post and I'll try and be as through with my explanation on this.

Question:

If you sleep with someone who has slept with someone who has GW, are you now obliged to tell all of your future partners that you are marginally more at risk of having HPV, or am I taking this ethics thing a bit too far?

The quick answer IMO to this question is, No. You do not have to tell anyone that you are at higher risk of HPV.

The long answer is it isn't you're responsibility to explain HPV (unless you really want to) and to be honest, you are not even showing any symptoms so why even bother? I understand ethically you feel that way, but in all honesty, you could also say "after we have sex, you might get me pregnant." Sex is a responsibility of each party. There are always going to be types of risks, some of which you wont even know until after the fact. If both parties choose to have sex, then in my opinion, its fair game (unless we are talking about something like HIV/AIDS which is life altering). HPV is not that big of a deal. Its the most common sexually transmitted infection in the world, and the likelihood of people to have it is common. The general stats say 50% of the population will have one strain of HPV if they have 3 different sexual partners, and that jumps to 60-70% with 5 or more. So I say no.

Hope this helps :)
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anxious View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote anxious Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22Jul2013 at 3:46am
Thanks Workingtogether, that is reassuring!

I think my real problem is that, before I knew about my partner's ex partner's warts, if any of my future partners got warts I'd be able to explain that it could have come from any of their previous partners. Now that I have this little bit of knowledge, I feel like I'll always blame myself for any of my future partners' wart outbreaks.

I'm even concerned about kissing at this point, as I gave the partner unprotected oral sex. Obviously I don't want to be disclosing every time I kiss someone, but what if they get warts in their mouth from me kissing them? Can anyone tell me how likely this is to happen if I have no symptoms in my mouth? I've heard that warts in the mouth are rare, but does anyone know how rare?
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